1- Pies are very cheap to make,The pastry cases are usually made up of the sweepings on the bakery floor, including the
odd "dog end" and the "meat" is usually the part of the animal nobod in their right mind would buy, therefore it is ground-up,
processed and mixed with gravy. No football club is honest enough to offer "suet, sinew, pigs bollocks and bisto" at their
grounds are they?
2- Although cheap to make, don't be scared to pay up to £2 for the pleasure!!!
3- Mind yer fingers! PIes can eithe rburn them as the sludge seeps out the sides, or will give them frostbite. You never
hit happy medium, either too hot or still frozen!
4- Certain clubs still have stocks in their larders that were delivered in the days when Jack and Bobby Charlton both
had hair.
5- Hairs can often be found in pies, usually tey can be traced-back to the spotty, delinquent "Take That" fan who took
on a Saturday jib at the ground to pay for a lifesize, full-functioning "Robbay" doll. If you are lucky you can sometimes
find finger nails, plasters or even whole chopped off fingers in your pie.
6- By the time you have finished your snack, wiped the crumbs off your bumfluff and the dribble from down your shirt,
you will find that no-one wants to talk to you! This is because you now have what is known as "piebreath" when your breath
has all the freshness of a sewerage works.
7- Pies can be quite handy as guided missiles. In local derby's, just pick out the member of the opposition you hate
the most and whizz....splat! Even if the bastards win, he won't be out celebrating! Just imagine how many hot bath's he will have
to take to shift the debris. Prior to derby matches, why not practice on the linesman?
8- PIes come in a wide variety of different "flavours", Beef and Onion, Steak and Kidney or even Chicken and Mushroom.
Despite this, they all seem to taste the same-shit! - and have you ever noticed that stray cats and dogs are very rarely seen
in the vicinity of football grounds?
9 - One thing which is often close-by to grounds is the local hospital, with stomach pumps on standby on a Saturday afternoon.
10 - A famous terrace song is directed at pies or rather fat people. Have some sympathy with these unfortunate folk who
have spent a lifetime guzzling shortcrust and stodge. Come to think of it, my jeans are getting a bit tight these days - better
stick to a healthy burger in future!
