Cathy, my scantily clad nursing assistant (pictured) has seen a rise in activity on the treatment table since her appointment. Indeed groin strains requiring her nimble hands have for some reason reached epidemic proportions!

 

Anyway our major casualty this month was Harry Gibson. The veteran BGFC striker had a nasty fall from his mountain bike. Amazingly he recovered enough to do a spot of Karaoke and dirty-dancing after he took my prescription of eight pints of Bass Bitter.

 

Mark Monk has been having a few problems with his teeth of late. Old Big Gob has been suffering with his wisdom teeth. Dentistry has never been my strong forte, I did have a practice in London and my previous clients include Shane Macgowan (lead singer of the Pogues) and Paul Merson (Cocaine snorting, gambling mad, binge-drinking tosser who plays for Arsenal). Wisdom? Marko? the man who confesses he prefers a game of Five-a-side to a shag!

 

Simon Bishop has been having Heartbeat problems. Before you all have a cardiac, don't panic! His problem is when the TV show Heartbeat comes on the box, he forgets about matches. So much for Mister Reliable eh? more like Mr Robin Reliant! I've prescribed a few dangling carrotts for Shabba to try and entice the "donkey" away from the box!

 

Reserve team goalie Deano has been suffering of late and had to mysteriously miss the cup game with Mondial. There is no truth in the rumours he was involved in a punch-up with a team-mate but did something many Bowling Green regulars have done for years and that is punch a "lady" with long-hair who lives up Westfields in the gob....

 

However Deano tells me it was her hooter - he could not miss really could he?

 

That is all from my injury column this month, take care because as Elvis Costello says "Accidents will happen!".